Shepherd Conductive Compounds

From the point of view of psychoanalysis, gratitude is one of those virtues that make us the greatest extent. But sometimes she turns into too severe burden of obligations. How great our son, subsidiary or parental duty can be?

This concept may seem obsolete, even slightly naive, since it was originally part of a religious language: “thanks” meant thanks to God, a grateful prayer. However, real gratitude proceeds from the depths of our being.

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Sometimes I meet my former patients who, after fifteen years, thank me for everything that I made for them, for the changes that later happened in their life. What exactly I did to earn their gratitude? I don’t know. Something happened: a word, phrase, look-something that they perceived and that gradually made internal changes in them.

I sincerely believe that real gratitude is rather a way to thank life than a specific person;She expresses the joy of being alive. She is opposed to the position “I did not ask me to give birth, so everyone should – life, peace, people”, in which absolute ingratitude is expressed.

Anyone who is convinced that others – parents, partner – should take care of his well -being, will not be able to feel gratitude. We generally entered the era of “victims”: they believe that happiness is due to them, and require damage to compensation if there is no happiness!

I believe that the sacrifice of the victim is connected with the children’s illusion, when it seems that fate is more indulging in others and that there is always some way to get rid of suffering. I do not deny that some people had to endure monstrous injustice. I am not saying that it is easy to answer for yourself in our fragmented society, where you can very quickly become an outcast.

And nevertheless: the belief that we actually deserve more happiness, prevents thanking life for what it gives us. In addition, being satisfied with its fate is considered something almost shameful, it is perceived as the weakness and lack of fighting qualities. I feel some bitterness in people, general discontent. We are ungrateful in the sense that we forget to say thank you.

Uncertainty is a refusal to recognize the good that is happening to us. Agreeing that it was good, we look at life real, which allows us to recognize our wounds and our failures – without it it is impossible to move on.

The story of “Man with rats”

His real name is Ernst Lanzer, and he became one of the most famous patients of Sigmund Freud. Its story is built around the debt, which is impossible to return, since it is generated by an imaginary feeling of the patient’s guilt.

Lanzer ordered a pince -nez by mail. One of his commanders, Lieutenant Engel, paid for postal expenses. However, the patient was persecuted by the idea that he should return the money to another commander, Lieutenant David. It came to the point that in a dream he came up with brilliant and crazy ways of returning money to David.

Moreover, he was convinced that if he could not do this, his late father would be subjected to terrifying torture rats in the afterlife! Freud found out that the patient’s father really had debts – both financial and symbolic duty to his own sexual desire: he cowardly abandoned the poor young girl he wanted, and married a rich woman whom he did not like. Identifying himself with his weak -willed father, Ernst Lanzer could not approach his chosen one.

Being in principle unable to enjoy life, he died during the First World War. According to the psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan, this tragedy was not accidental. Ernst Lanzer allowed himself to kill, because he could not come to terms with guilt for imaginary debts.

Directly psychoanalysis does not help learn gratitude. But Freud wrote about the idea of duty that each of us has since birth – simply because we were born. One of his patients tried to repay an imaginary debt and in such an unrealistic way to pay with the real debts of his own father. In this case, we are dealing with a neurosis, but in fact, we really owe our parents to life. And some by the end of their days ask themselves how to pay this debt.

Some fiercely spoil their life, thereby saying: “I owe nothing to you, it is because of you I am a finished loser”. Often this happens in the case of ambivalent relations between parents and children, which are accompanied by an unconscious desire for the death of another and emotional blackmail. Others act more positively: recognizing the limitations of the role of their parents, they are trying to accept what was given to them.

Gratitude is easier if good relations between parents and children. The best way to give this debt that has arisen from birth and by definition is unpaid is to give life or become a creator of his own life in turn.

Freud quotes Goethe, who called for sons, and generally children, to assign the legacy of the ancestors at the symbolic level: it is not enough passively accept heritage, we need to wish him and work with him – only in this way we can realize the duty of our whole life and not collapse under his severity.

When it comes to child-child relationships, gratitude I will prefer respect. I really think that we must help our parents when they are aging. And not by virtue of sentimental considerations, like “thank you for everything that you have done for me,” or because they sacrificed themselves for us. This is just our moral duty (I have to help them!).

Rather, out of gratitude of the life that we received through them than out of a sense of gratitude to themselves! Even if I do not like them, I have to respect them – not as personalities, but as the embodiment of the parental role. Even if the father is a non -insignificance, he is still a father.

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